Saturday, August 13, 2011


She was sitting on the bed, wanting to lay down to release the pain. But, her condition at the moment unable her to do anything. She could barely stand. Or even worse, she couldn't do anything. Even though her eyes told her mind to go to sleep, she could just sit on the bed, crying in pain with words that no one could understand.

Her little sister came and arranged the position of the pillows behind her so that she could feel more comfortable. All of us knew that she was very exhausted due to her disease. She could not drag herself along the bed to place her head on the pillow as it attacked her bones, her liver, her heart, most importantly, her life.

When the little sister was arranging the pillows, she said "Kakak", and brought a shock to us. Which meant she couldn't recognise her own sibling. Her skin turned yellow, her teeth was like waves, some turned to that way, some were in this position. I remembered her being beautiful even with just a simple make-up.

" Semalam dia sihat lagi, harini lagi teruk", Tok Mama said to me.

I wondered how sakaratul maut came and snatched our soul felt like. Now I looked at her, I felt so sad yet scared. Her daughter came trotting inside the room. She placed her seat on a wooden chair smiling like nothing happened. I wondered again, "Does she understand the condition now?"

And my question was answered by myself, through by an experience where a friend of mine also went through this. She wouldn't understand, what a silly me. But as she will grow older and mature, I am sure she will understand this in time.

And her 14-year-old daughter, her first child of the family turned to be so like a mum as her mum couldn't play her role as a mum anymore. She did, but in this time she just could not. She was a very good mum. As a proof to this, her first daughter is the nicest girl I've ever met. She is a thin lovely girl, a good student, and a good muslimah. I was so ashamed of myself every time I looked at her Facebook profile - it was full of information about Islam!

Meanwhile me, what I did with Facebook (and still) was playing around, joking, gossiping with friends and so on.

I knew her time will come. It might be a month from now, next week, tomorrow, this night, or even now. I am not praying she will go as soon as possible. I cried when I looked at her. I knew she didn't recognise me. I wonder if she recognised her own daughters as she couldn't know her own little sister? I sincerely pray that Allah will grant her Syurga Firdaus, the highest grade of jannah.

"Paradise has one-hundred grades which Allah has reserved for the Mujahidin who fight in His Cause, and the distance between each of two grades is like the distance between the Heaven and the Earth. So, when you ask Allah (for something), ask for Al-FIRDAUS which is the best and highest part of Paradise."

Al - Fatihah.