Wednesday, December 31, 2014

My first surgery

Halo. Lemme just get to the title, and yes I am talking about the surgery / operation / pembedahan and whatever you call it. O_O HECK YEAH I HAD AN OPERATION!

It was on 2nd December, but I just decided to write about it after er...... 29 days after? O_O

So, it started since I can't remember when, my menstrual cycle had always been a drunktart. It started with the monthly cycle of 21 days, but the period would be no less than 12 days and sometimes would reach 15 days.(Sorry if this disgust you, but other people's health care and precaution I need to tell it here)

 I went to a local clinic in Jitra during my semester break, and the doctor asked me whether I am married (O_o) [hello people, I look like someone's wife][I wonder who will be my husband!!!!! DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND WACHU DUIN NOW I AM SURVIVING LIFE AND I HAD AN OPERATION DEAR HUBBY]

So I told her no. (Two paragraphs started with So, wow good english)  And she told me that I might experiencing stress that usually how students feel. So I told her okay lah then I okay lah then I told her about my menstrual cycle and such. Well imagine me, being a muslim and could only pray about a week then I was hit with another menstruation. Then she gave me contraceptive pills to regulate my period cycle.

Well, it worked. My cycle turned to be 28 days and no more 21 days. SO LONG SUCCKKKAA

But my period days were still the same, but it was getting worse. From a maximum day of 15, it turned to be 16 and more. I went to a clinic here in Shah Alam but the doctor said the same, she even told me that it is normal as long as I have my period monthly (OK DOC)

During my third semester break, the same thing happened. But it concerned me because I don't really trust what the doctors said and I believed that something irregular was going on with me. That time, my lovely grandma had an operation (too) in KMC. So I took the chance to see the gynae.

His name was doktor kamaruzzaman and he seemed like my dad (by age, not face). So he did ultra-scan on me (that was not my first time tho, third time actually) and HE DISCOVERED TWO CYSTS ON MY OVARIES. Cyst on my right ovary was about 1.6cm, but the one on my left ovary was 7cm. So he said

"Ni kena surgery ni"

okay enough of what. I didn't actually say what. I said "HA?" and was startled. THA HECK. LOL. ok. so we set up the date and THIS WAS SO SURREAL FOR ME. I COULDN'T BRAIN IT.

I have always liked my life to be full of attention, but Lily Collins type of attention, not sick-surgical-im dying-goodbye type of attention. My aunties were at home during that time, teased me about the surgery because they had it before too. Oh well.

*fast forwards the story*

So I checked into the hospital. I slept alone on the first night (what a sad first night I thought it would be full of romance) since my mum had to go home because my grandma also had an operation days before. So she had to take care both of us. ( BEST MUM/NURSE AWARD!!!) I woke up around 4 am because a nurse came and told me to take a medicine. yada3x, so it was time for surgery.

my dad cried, my mum didn't haha what even. Mums are stronger people!!! So i was put on the bed and when I was in the surgery room, it was very nervewrecking. People there were all with masks (O_O) and I needed to do my hands to be T shape. then I was put into sleep by injection and that thing you put on your mouth (duh watch tv next time if you dont get what i mean)

When I woke up, the nurse softly touched my cheeks and called adik, adik dah siap dah ni. I immediately cried saying "Nurse, sakit..." because it did hurt, very much. I was so weak I let them do all the things they needed to do. I didn't eat since 11PM the night before because I had to fast. 

It hurt so bad that  whenever I coughed, I cried and held the bed steel thing idk what do you call it. ANd since I was drugged with anesthetics, I had to puke to let them out. It hurt soooooooooooo bad. Each time your chest moved to let the puke out, you will get an electric shock because it used muscles on your tummy. So I did puke, TWICE. IMAGINE THE PAIN PEOPLE. One around 4pm, and another one around 7pm. I really cried that during my second time puking, my ward mate's mother in law came and held my back because my mum wasn't there and I was crying alone saying sakit sakit. and that night, her husband was afraid to sleep because he might wake me up with his snore :') it was really thoughtful of them. I am grateful for wonderful people around me.

Anyway, I was allowed to go back home on my third day of stay. I could walk but I had to bend a little. It was an experience but I don't want it to happen again. sakit oiiiiiiiiii!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

So what happeneddddddd so far

I swear the second I clicked the 'new post' button the electricity went off O_O wtfs so now it's dark but I dont  really mind because it's still daytime? :o


class started at 9, I woke up at 5 nearly 6 but went back to sleep again and woke up again to pray and sleep again while my housemates are getting ready for their class (i can sleep yay). I didn't know what to wear okay, semalam i wore my grey shirt adam said I looked fat (i hate your gigi besi) so I was really concern on what to wear so I didn't know what to wear but i ended up wearing my a level INPRO white tshirt with a black cardi............................................ I'm still pretty like a model no worries mah fans YOU GUYS ARE DAAA BEST.

Around 8.40 I got into the bus and I really really felt tired I wanted to sleep in the bus but it was too cold because of the airconditioner?????????????????????? so i didnt sleep lah. then later i arrive at intec i walked to my class, my class was located at the third floor okeh i am fat so i dont like walking it stressed me out because it reminded me that i am fat so i didnt feel like talking to people after i arrive and after finally a long journey from turun tangga bas to naik tangga a level i go sit at my place lah pastu ADAM PUNYA FILE ADA ATAS MEJA AKU LIKE WTH KAU PUNYA MEJA KAT SEBELAH AKU PEMASALAH KAU SUKA LETAK BARANG KAT ATAS MEJA AKU so I put it on his table with tak ikhlasly sebab aku benci kau 

then arni arrived from her ponteng class after almost a week (tempat aku dalam kelas dikelilingi orang pemalas kiri kanan) everyone kept saying woah finally you come ah where did u go ha why u still alive not dead yet? then I was having my morning moodswing I didn't wanna layan lah! but I buat2 baik jugakla by saying hi arni lama tak jumpa kau pastu malas nk cakap i focused on my phone. After around 9:21AM, my class rep Choms said PSYCHO CLASS WAS CANCELLED 
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAAT I COULD HAVE SLEPT FOR AN HOUR LONGER K! K K! NAH TRIPLE K! TAKE THAT! But anyway we went down to the cafe to eat and cendawan goreng was available it was good so i ate but then still didn't have the energy so I didn't talk until it was time for lunch. I wasn't supposed to eat rice but i eat jugak because i'm such a badass anyone meltedz heyer? so after i ate rice i became hyperactive i talked talked talked talked talked till it was CTES class.

I entered class and everyone was talking about having pizza or ice cream cake together but NNJ (kinda my diet supervisor, but she's the Nicki Minaj. Geddit? She's the celebrity.) said I couldn't  eat those things because I am on diet so yeah ok whatever and I joke around saying today's class was cancelled (I am the assistant for CTES class because my classmate pranked me).

me : The lecturer is late. Class must have been cancelled
fayyadh : amende kau mana lambat lagi

pastu orang gelak ok jom gelak jugak baca blog ni HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH ok thanks pastu i sat next to fasha and told her that she should make an instagram account since she's already owned a smart phone (she used bb before) 
me : weh buat ah instagram kau dah ada fon mahal dah
fasha : tanak aku guna insta kawan aku je
arni : haah bt insta pastu like semua gambar aku
me : ha buat instagram buat twitter buat semua tapi jangan follow erina sebab DIA TAKKAN FOLLOW KAU BALIK!!!
-orang gelak-
me : *continues* UNLESS KAU LELAKI
-orang gelak, fayyadh tunjuk pedang kena cucuk dada, hazmi nth buat apa, eri pun buat muka macam kena tampaq pastu aku macam sorry sorry sebab memain je-

ok motip tulih blog ni aku nak habaq eri follow aku kat twitter dah.

semoga follow erina terhadap twitter aku kalini kekal. amin. doakan saya kawan2. kkkkwkwkwkwkwkkw

Friday, October 10, 2014

Move on

Bagi aku, move on ni boleh terbahagi pada dua. satu perasaan, satu lagi kenangan. yang bab perasaaan tu, aku dah pernah rasa dan dah pernah berjaya dah move on. tapi apa yang aku tengah alami lani, yang kedua tu. Kenangan.

Jujur aku cakap, aku rasa kenangan ni susah sangat nak lupa. Kadang2 kita dah move on dari perasaan suka dari orang tu, tapi kita rindu benda2 yang kita dah pernah buat dengan dia. Tapi dalam kes aku, aku tak boleh move on dari cerita lama yang buat aku sedih.

Aku tak boleh teringat benda lama, serioustalk aku cepat touching and sensitip gila kalau teringat balik pasai benda ni. Penah dak teringat benda lama walaupun time hang tengah happy, tiba2 hang jadi sedih, mood teruih takdak, ayaq mata murah ja nak turun keluaq. Penah? Susah wei bab benda ni. Nak ja balik p masa lampau pi halang diri aku dari duk involve dengan ______________ ni. hahaha.

dulu masa kecik2 bila aku nangih aku stop nangih sebab aku pikiaq aku takut jadi buta (sebab nangih kan kuaq ayaq mata banyak, takmau jadi mcm p ramlee hat nangeh sampai buta tu) tapi lani aku xleh stop nangih. kuaq ikot suka ja. pui

Monday, October 06, 2014

My Harry Potter marathon.

How do I start this?! After some time of not writing, I would like to apologize to (if there is) anyone who has been stalking / reading some of my updates in my blog. And for writing my posts in English (which wasn't the case for several years ago). Life's good, it hasn't been hard nor easy, but enjoying the ups and downs of it would be the only way to carry on with life.

Anyway, I am sure everyone of you know Harry Potter. Well as for me, I first saw the first movie when I was (not mistakenly) at the age of 8, it was when my dad bought a pirated CD of it :P I liked the idea, and was dreaming to go to the magical school of Hogwarts. Pretty sure I had a little crush on Daniel Radcliffe, as he was this one chosen boy and the main character of Harry Potter series (and which I am sure most girls experienced this too)

Somehow, as someone who do not have a long lasting passion, I had never watched the series anymore until my best friend (who had been keeping up with Harry Potter since movie 1) told me to go with her for the second movie of Deadly Hallows, as it appeared to be the last movie of the series. I didn't even know the villain that they needed to fight's name is Voldemort, but I continued watching with the help of my own guesses to complete the movie in my own sense. After the movie ended, I never watched the movie anymore. I finished my school, went for the student exchange program, came back and continued my studies in A Level in Shah Alam and in my second semester, I decided to watch the Harry Potter movies.

Taken from a friend of mine, I started to watch. However it didn't seem to be my cup of tea. I finished all of the movies, but with little understanding of the whole story they were trying to deliver.

                                            a picture of Oliver Wood, the Quidditch captain of Gryffindor, for being undeniably cute.

The Harry Potter marathon started last week on Wednesday (1/10/2014) after I finished my second semeter's trials. I hanged out with a bunch of friends of mine, and we talked about Harry Potter that SEEMED SO ATTRACTIVE TO MY EARS EMERGERD I HEVVV TU WACCIT EGEEINN.

5  days later, I finished the movie marathon with many questions about the series. The movie itself didn't seem complete to me, as it leaves few unanswered questions. For example ;
1) Why did Voldemort attack James and Lily Potter? This wasn't told in the movie. The movie started with Harry being sent to the Dursleys.
2) How did Peter Pettigrew die? I saw him got knocked out by Dobbie the free elf in the Deadly Hallows 2 but in the movie, he didn't die. He wasn't even there during the second wizarding war.
3) Why did Voldemort want to get rid of the muggles and mudbloods so much
4) How did Tom Riddle find out that he was the heir of Slytherin
6) Is Bellatrix related to Sirius? I don't really get the Black's family tree.
7) Didn't Trelawney die during the first scene of the Deadly Hallows because Voldemort's snake ate her? However I found her being alive and was helping with the injured during the last scene after Hogwarts was attacked.
8) How many children do the Weasley couple have and are they related to the Blacks lol wtf this is so confusing
9) Dumbledore -  why didn't he told about himself more to Harry.
10) Why do Snape's and Lily's patronus charms are the same - doe?
11) Why dooooo the dementorsssss listen to voldemort arent they the prison's guards or something zz
12) About the after movie - what happened to Hermoine Granger's parents? She used the obliviate spell on them to make them forget about her and went to fight with voldemort. After the war ended, did she undo the spell
13) how did harry potter come back to live i thought he was dead after voldemort used avada kadavra -,- jumpa dumbledore hang hidup teruih padia xpaham aku
14) How come the harry becomes the hocrux i thought hocrux is only for the unliving things after you killed someone
15) Snape became the headmaster after he killed Dumbledore, does this mean the previous headmaster was killed by Dumbledore? D:

After having so many questions and bugging my friends with them, I decided to start reading the book. I am currently reading the order of the Pheonix as most of my confusions start there and that's the only Harry Potter book I have lol. Anyone who has the explanation and is willing to explain, do tell me the reasons! :D

Seriously, what have I been missing all these years? Harry Potter is simply...genius

pictures of Matthew Lewis who played as Neville Longbottom and who is gorgeous(!!) and survived his puberty magically to end this post.

Saturday, July 05, 2014

On the part of the downside

I've always had interesting introductions that I want to write in every essay or blog post. Sometimes words twinkle in my mind but as for this time, I don't know what to write. Honestly, I don't think I know what should I do now.. Keeping up with the dreams I've always had since long I could remember, to make them come true is a responsibility for me... I don't mind struggling, as long as I could get the dreams.

As what happened and what I faced today, the only word that suits me well might be.... disappointment? After knowing my results, I didn't know what to feel.. Mad? Grateful? Or should I cry? Should I feel all my efforts before are wasted? What should I do? What should I feel? But truth to be told.... I have prepared myself with this situation. I was not surprised to see the results, because I told myself that this might happen. However, what I didn't think back then was what should I do after I get such results.

Right now...... I kinda feel relieved. I am glad. I feel grateful. Not because my results are excellent, but I am thankful that I can feel this. I am thankful that I can experience this. I am thankful to know that this is the time that He is paying attention on me. :)

Reminiscing back about the past, I wasn't tested on hard deals as much as what my friends had faced. Maybe because I wasn't close enough to Him that He knows that I would break down, torn apart and might do something stupid if He tests me...

But this time,

I am ready.

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Happy birthday to me.

The title is a lie ^ right now, i am typing this post is 10.28 pm, 2nd march 2014. Woah. Damn. What should I feel? Birthdays have never been that special day since.... I don't remember when? I do remember when was the last time I really had my birthday party. It was back when I was 11, the party was huuuge. I was so happy to get presents from my friends.

Time long gone. To me now, birthdays are no longer any other special days. Just another day to survive on, and life goes on. I am pretty sure some friends remember my birthday, and some who don't but I really don't mind if they don't. Honestly, now I appreciate friendships more than birthday wishes. I appreciate appreciation from my friends and family. Do I make myself clear here?

What I am saying here is; I am thankful for everything, everyone. thank you people who are reading, people who will be wishing me, giving me good times and laughter. I appreciate everyone.

Happy early birthday to myself. ~(^v^~)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Hi guys. My fight is over. The thing I have been fighting for more than two years shall now be buried, and to never be found back. I don't know what to feel, this uncertainty feeling is not something I think I can describe.. it feels heavy inside, but I can breathe freely now.  I wanna learn and see new things, to see my future and holding on to my past as my guide.. I am thankful for this feeling, the times we spent, the journey we went together, and how grown up I am now compares to the first time we know each other. I am thankful for my past experiences, those are what make me, myself today. I am thankful for the love, I learnt how to be in it. I am thankful for the pain, I learnt how to be stronger. Most importantly, I am grateful for all the things that I have been through. Now, time to wait and see what the future holds. Thank you! #grateful


Let's bury our story and pretend like it has never happened.


Saturday, February 08, 2014

Unwritten Thoughts

Let me take you to the moment of truth, to a situation where you have questions that you keep to yourself and tell nobody even to your closest friend about it. You might have reasons, but it might be easier to keep it that way. I need a place to tell what I am thinking now, and I am glad the place that I can express my thoughts to is my blog.. Someone might understand what I am going to write, and some might cannot relate to themselves at all.

Let's see.. I honestly don't know where to begin. I can't really define my expressions. There are some times where your friends will tease you, make fun of you with the intention of joking around. But, you end up getting pissed at them. And there will be a time when someone intentionally wants to make you mad, who will say nasty things right in front of you face, or someone who will tell you straightly that that person is lying to you, BUT you ended being fine with it. You can smile. You don't feel anything at all.

"Here is my story. There is a guy whom I have been in love with for two years. The relationship has been on and off. He has someone else at the same thing this is happening"

Penah dak hampa tepikiaq awat benda ni tejadi?  Penah dak terpikiaq oh maybe dia kot yang tu tuu,tapi pernah dak terpikiaq awat kita still choose dia even dah tau benda ni tejadi? Ok. Aku rasa, benda yang aku rasa ni mungkin antara sebab kenapa perempuan boleh hidup bermadu. Tak kira la sakit macam mana pun, lambat laun dia akan telan jugak. Maaf agak geli. Tapi ini realiti.

"I don't know but I believe, that some things were meant to be." - Boyzone

Jadi, jujurnya saya dah tak rasa apa masa dah tahu. Saya pun tak tahu nak respon apa. Saya dah cakap apa yang saya nak cakap, dan saya jujur apa yang saya cakapkan tu. K. Masuk draft.